As I walked around my apartment cleaning today I couldn’t help but think about the Lioness. Every time she came to visit she would clean my apartment from top to bottom. Was it dirty? No. Its a think in the Animal Kingdom that mummy’s do for their cubs. She enjoyed every minute of it as well. Not only the cleaning. The fridge would be full as would the freezer. Apparently I was in danger of malnutrition and dysentery that immediate action needed to be taken. I would come home from work and find a new rug or some new pillows. Her baby boy must have been incapable of fending for his own.
The thing about these little gestures though was less for me and more about her. Not that she was not thinking of me, she was completely acting selfless. She did gather so much joy from doing these little tasks. She lit up and loved that sense of help she was giving to her baby boy. I would come home and find the whole place rearranged. This used to wind me up.
“Right where have you put blank. I need blank now!”, I would say to her in a temper.
It used to wind me up and she knew this. We would have a brief exchange of words. Then I would open the vino look at her and say;
“I’m sorry”.
This little ritual would happen once per visit. It was part of our routine.
As I look around my apartment it is filled with memories of her. The fun times we shared and the joy she got from doing the odd jobs. Every morning before I go to work I see her pyjamas. She always left a pair here. Pink ones with sheep. I see them every day and probably will continue to see them everyday. I will not throw them out. I’m sure many people will advise me to do the contrary. It must be a lot healthier to cleanse the world of every trace of her. Not to be constantly reminded that she is gone. The thing is I love that I’m constantly reminded of her. As hard as it is at times I would have it not other way.
She lives on in these little pink sheep pyjamas. I look at them every night.
Then I go to sleep.
A Grievers Guide to the Galaxy 