Ok so I’ve always been a little bit of a firecracker. I can be terribly outspoken. I don’t need to be however as my face usually tells the full story. I am extremely passionate about life and everything really. If I don’t get passionate about something I will usually find it not worth doing. My relationships are also like this. I can be a little Firestarter as I always like everything to be transparent and cannot really abide bullshit. Aint nobody got time for that right? Mummy always said I moved at my own pace and the world was always trying to catch up. She always had faith her little boy was going to change the world someway.
So how did I come to be this way? Was it nature or nurture? Where you fall on this debate is really interesting as science really cannot back up anything particularly well. Nature shows us animals can adapt through their environment. We are also born with distinct characteristics. Can it be a little bit of both? I do tend to lean towards the nature argument mostly however you cannot deny things happen in your life that can define your character. I was always going to be a little bit more ‘extra’ than most kids however the circumstances that have led to my adult life perhaps have had a significant contribution. For me it was having the cheerleader in the background always supporting me and championing me to do whatever I wanted.
The interesting thing about loosing a loved one is that your emotions are extremely heightened. I am a lot more irrational than once before. I am reacting to things a lot more fiery than I ever did before ( I know I sound like a nightmare). On the tram today I was getting really pissed off at these young girls singing on the way home. They were not particularly loud, they were not yobs, just three young girls singing with their mummy. I looked on with anger and eventually getting up to move with a loud sigh shortly after. This evening I look back and think, what harm were they doing? None. That’s the problem, irrational thought leaves and all that is left behind is a ball of emotion.
In these circumstances I usually would have a lioness swiping her paw in my face and giving me a harsh does of reality. She kept me in line and even though she was my biggest defender she would always make sure I was in the right. If I wasn’t then God help me! She never had a rulebook of how to be a good person, only one simple mantra. As long as you don’t hurt anyone, do what you want. Its a nice motto to live by however sometimes their is roadkill, especially when this firecracker is on a rampage. More than ever in my life I have to think back to that as I don’t have her here anymore to keep me in line, I need to trust that she has created a nice human being with all the lessons she gave me.
However right now I’m thinking, I’ve had a nice day. I’m feeling particularly chirpy. I feel almost Zen, for the first time in a little while. Maybe its the cooling temperatures or maybe I’m turning a corner, who knows? One thing I do know is that I want to dance right now and channel that emotion into something fun. So right now I’ve turned on my speakers and am about to blast ‘Good as Hell’, by Lizzo and think of Mummy. If you care to join me (metaphorically) then crank up those sound systems and blast that song. I promise you will feel better 🙂
xx
A Grievers Guide to the Galaxy 