So I’m not going to lie. The last couple of nights have sucked. I’m sure most of you have read it and thought that was rather apparent. I think stopping helped me to start again. Ok so that’s a whole love of oxymoron-ness going on right there. Its really true though. I have had time on my own to reflect and really grieve. Their has been tears, lots of sleeping and a little bit of junk food eating – that stops tomorrow! With it though I feel I have a whole new outlook on things. I feel I was trying to be too strong, for myself, my friends, my work, for everyone. I wanted people to see the strong me that my mummy raised me to be. In the process though I kind of combusted slightly.
I actually think combustification (my new verb) is actually a really healthy thing. Their are plenty of egg related metaphors to back this up; you cant make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, humpty dumpty ….. ok bad example but I think you get the picture. I feel that I have been through all 5 stages of grief at some point in the past 3 months. I have felt every single one of them. I have digressed back and forth between them as well. I am sitting here typing this remembering the reason I am doing it all the first place. Jennifer. That’s the first time I have used her name and I feel tonight it is appropriate as it reminds me of who she was. She was an amazing woman. She was my inspiration, my mother.
So we are 65+ days into the blog now. So another 300 to go. Are they all going to be a laugh riot and filled with witty dialogue about how well I am doing.
probably not.
They are hopefully going to let me continue to voice my thoughts, feelings and stories. I want to share so much more about Jennifer for the world to see what an amazing person she was. Also how she had such an epic influence in every aspect of my life. A very good friend yesterday came to visit, and sort of politely gave me the kick up the ass I needed. She also said something which really resonated with me. She said my outlet for everything used to be mummy. I would tell her everything. I then used this blog to do the same thing. Only I wasn’t getting the sage advice I once had from the Lioness. I need to find a balance and find a new outlet. I also need to be more open with people and let them in.
Ok maybe one step at a time, Rome certainly wasn’t built in a day. Though it must be classed as progress that I acknowledge this right?
I am also very excited that in 3 weeks I shall be departing on a plane for a week. While I am away I have asked 7 friends to write a blog a day for me. I want their voices on the amazing impact my mummy left. Also it gives me time to lie in the sun…. he he.
This week has been such a mixed blessing and I am truly thankful for it.
#itsoktobesad
night night all, have a good evening. xxx
A Grievers Guide to the Galaxy 