Day 61: The first letter.

Dear Mummy,

A lot has happened in these past two months and a lot has stayed the same. Since you have been gone I have been writing a blog. Its sort of hard to explain why I started writing it but I will try. You always knew I had far too much to say about everything, I guess this was my solution. Normally I would deal with it in a very ‘Michael’ kind of way and just throw myself into something. This blog turned into that something. I wonder what you would think of it? You would probably tell me off or something as you hated people who shared everything on Facebook.

“I don’t understand why we need to know what they are having for dinner”.

Our evening chats used to be my outlet, now I don’t have that. I miss our chats every evening after work. I especially miss the ones that involved us having a bottle of wine together even though we were hundreds of miles apart. That’s gone now. Without much warning  you were taken from me and I miss you more than I even possibly would of known. My best friend is gone.

Sometimes I will sit on my red sofa that you bought me and stare out the window in the home you helped me create. I think of all the things I miss telling you. How work is going. What my friends are doing. All the little things that make up the big picture. I sometimes pretend you are there and I have little conversations and imagine how you would respond. I can still here your voice, I remember one of the last things we giggled about. Remember the ‘now Michael’ conversation. We both couldn’t speak from laughing on the phone. We had our own weird sense of humour that only we got, it was like a private club that only we were members.

I just want you to know I’m doing ok. Everyone has been lovely and really supportive and I have been a massive pain in the butt, a lot recently. I cant help it. You know what I’m like. I never have dealt with change very well. The hardest part is not being able to talk to you about it, any of it.

Miss you and love you always,

Peanut.