Day 80: Fag Butt’s Blog

‘ Just a lost boy from Neverland’

One of my first memories of Michael was during our first semester of Uni; stumbling across one another in the greatly anticipated Monday night Students union night. This was the place to be and to be seen. There he was; a Ballymena boy (obviously a thing I have drawn to seeing as I am currently married to one), a diva, an out and out bitch. Dancing like Sasha Fierce on stage, white sweat bands around his wrists, boot cut Diesel jeans and a pastel coloured t-shirt. There I was; white stilettos, ra-ra skirt and a boob tube, tango tan, seeking out a bitch of equal worth.

We were like moths to the same flame. To be honest, I think our first encounter was probably not a friendly welcome, but I think subconsciously we quickly recognised we were two peas in the same pod and together we could take over the university clubbing scene. Upon reflection I would say everyone knew us at University, we would have a friendly reception on entering our usual hangouts. The Sync (Kelly’s night clubs R&B section), the Students Union café, the one shop in Coleraine that sold half decent clothes and of course the odd media studies class that we attended. Upon reflection I would also say that most people secretly hates us. I say secretly as if we were unaware of this, said person would have had a drink in their face or their hair yanked to the floor (Michaels signature move) Together we were dangerous and we knew this, but we loved It and we loved the power! Thankfully we had Tinkerbell who was able to tame us (occasionally).

Honestly it was like a match made in heaven, we hated the same people, had the same objectives in life (drink absinthe, dance like a slut, don’t attend classes before 1pm). Our friendship blossomed from our first encounter on that students union dance floor to a deep understanding a d appreciation for each other over the course of three years that we lived together. I was always the girl who had a gay best friend, through many work placements etc. I loved gay men because of the superficial things that attracted me to Michael in the first place. However my friendship with Michael became so much more than the gay best friend/ fag hag surface level friendship that I had anticipated. Michael was all of those things that I mentioned in the beginning but he was also so much more. I first realised this when I learn of Michaels relationship with his mum. To Michael, University was a different world from Ballymena, even though it was a short distance away. Uni was a place Michael could be who he wanted to be without having to look over his shoulder or be judged by people from his hometown.

However as much as he enjoyed his time to totally be himself, he also deeply missed the one and only other place he could truly be himself. His family home. Tinkerbell and I quickly realised that Michael could take himself off to his family home where he could retire from the partying scene for a maximum of 48 hours. During this time he would not answer the phone or be the university Michael that we knew. We never did ask him what he did in those 48 hours because we secretly knew. We knew the real Michael by this stage, we knew about the deep friendship between mother and son and we knew that he needed to recharge his batteries in order to continue.

The only way he could do that was being with his Mum. I believe by not really doing anything other than being together, chatting about what had happened that week and by spending quality time together. It was this action that really showed me who Michael was, he was caring, deep, appreciative, loyal and family orientated. This was the person that I am thankful to call my friend.