I got out of the taxi and took a big deep breath and had that feeling in my gut which was a combination of nerves and excitement with a splash of fear and a sprinkle of “be on your best behaviour Niall.”
**Here’s the background…so I had worked in M&S for only a few months after a future best friend had saved me from a horrendous job selling slogging bras and hush puppies over the phone to the elderly. (Don’t ask) Due to work reasons and the need to impress my new manager I was unable to return home to my own mother for Xmas. My friend had saved me and explained his mum was coming over and he would have me for Xmas to which I was unbelievably grateful but a bit nervous as at the time I hadn’t known him long and I was anxious about how I would feel spending Xmas with a family that wasn’t mine. Looking back it was silly as now I feel like his family are just an extended line of mine. So we finished work on Xmas Eve and got in our taxi to Monton, and so the love affair with the countess began…more about that gorgeous nickname (which I coined, Michael will sassily disagree) so yeah back to me bedding down in a new friends for Xmas…
My friend had told me so much about his mummy and I gauged from his tales that they were as close as two peas in a pod, something that as the years would go by I would know was more than true in a beautiful way.
So I walked in and crept behind Michael in to the kitchen where I would first encounter the countess. I was in my “impress the mother mode” and went in for a polite, “hello my name is Niall, lovely to meet…” HALT! She made a b line for me and grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug, I instantly felt so relaxed, at home, loved and most of all intrigued. Many of my friends will tell you that when I first meet somebody I “interview” them, which I do. I couldn’t wait to get to know this woman more.
She poured me a glass of pinot grigio, the first of hundreds we would have over the years as our friendship would develop. I sat down, completely ignored Michael and began my interview. To my amazement she was interviewing me back. I was in awe. I’ve met my match. An hour must have gone by and I realised I was still in my disgusting work uniform, that’s the kind of talkative bliss I was in. I felt like in that first hour of meeting her, I knew everything about her, she was such an open book, like me, something years after she would commend me on and tell me never to change. Something I always wanted to say back to her but didn’t want to appear patronising.
I am a big big big believer in first impressions and the impact they have on somebody’s relationship with another human. The countess was one of those people, I’ve only met a few in my lifetime, but one of those who I felt an aura as soon as I met them. And just to clarify that I am not some sort of crystal, energy reading tit but it’s the only way I could describe it, was a warm, elegant and caring aura. I instantly thought this woman HAD to be a nurse I’m her younger years. The reason I say this is because she was one of those people that seemed so content with her life that she just exuded warmth and love but in a sassy and with a twinkle in her eye. The countess and I would have a very boisterous sense of humour with our tongues planted firmly in our cheeks, sometimes to deliberately embarrass Michael, which believe me, takes a lot.
Myself and queen of queens Michael went out on Xmas Eve, something I never did before. We got home, absolutely “blootered” as the countess would say. Michael obviously put “let it go” from frozen on the TV and screamed, sorry I meant sang at the top of his lungs…on repeat…for about 45 mins. Myself and the countess sat sipping our wine, rolling our eyes ans giggling but in a very loving way. I realised, I totally got her. We had dinner on the ironing board and the countess mad men feel so at home that it softened the blow of having my first Xmas away from my own family. Something I will never forget.
I built a bond with the countess that I treasure to this day and anytime I feel sadness when thinking of her or sadness for my friend, I think back, have a giggle and think, what would she do. The answer would be, to laugh.
Over the years, anytime the countess would declare a state visit to monton, I would get very excited. I knew what was coming…an extremely intoxicated dinner followed by a stumble down the cobbles of canal Street holding each other up and laughing at absolutely nothing. That was one of my favourite things about her, I could sit in a room with her on my own, feeling completely at ease and free.
Myself and the countess discovered that we (as well as Michael) shared a love of the real housewives franchise. After a pissed up evening in her holiday estate of Monton, myself and Michael had performed a rendition of countess Luanne delessepes, “money can’t buy you class” for her. We also performed a more vulgar version that involves the line “gems and jewels in my stools” to which she called us buggers but laughed anyway. I realised Jennifer was the Ballymena version of the countess Luanne but unlike Luanne, she actually had class, like the real class, not a silver spoon in her mouth but the ability to treat people with respect and kindness no matter who they are or where they are from. I am quite a blunt person and am from best part of Belfast which means I have a thick accent and a devastatingly blunt sense of humour. She never said it but I’m pretty sure this is why she had a soft spot for me. She liked that I blurted out things we were all thinking, maybe with a couple too many profanities for her…but she loved it.
As I said before, there is too many times to recall when myself and the countess enjoyed each others company but i do remember one that may seem very insignificant to the naked eye. I was in work in Trafford centre and heard this very distinct Ballymena call, “nialllll” and there she was. Standing with her little side satchel bag, as put together as ever. I (probably quite rudely but non intentionally) said, “oh where’s Michael?” She told me she was just having a wee shopping trip, no doubt to furnish Michael’s palace further, and she just called in to see me. I fell in love with her a little bit more every time I seen her. She asked me about how I was, how was Dan, when we were going out for dinner etc and I knew that she was a friend for life.
Last week we were talking, (5 pints in) and my mum said to Michael that she had never met Jennifer but she owed her the biggest thank you she had ever given anybody because she took her son in at xmas and made her able to enjoy her own very poignant Xmas. My mum had worked with Lisa Michael’s sister so had heard of this legendary lady before but it was only when I relayed tales of her that even my mum who had never met her, was able to see what a caring and kind woman she was.
I will always look back fondly on my time spent with the countess, and honestly, very sad but the sadness is overlayed with an overwhelmingly bright sense of happiness at the same time. She was and always will be one of my favourite people that I have been lucky enough to meet and get to know. And I love that I had a special bond with her. She makes me laugh to this day. Every time (which is A LOT of times) I see a glass of red wine I think of her, as this was my drink of choice that I chose (forced) on her by the bottle each time we went out.
When I learned of her passing, I was devastated inside, but all I could think about was Michael. He was a part of my Manchester family and I had to do everything I could (along with the rest of the family of Manchester gays) to make him better. I knew that no matter what, we had to go back home and see her off properly, as a sign of respect for such a wonderful person but equally as a sign of love for michael, lisa and Colin. The thing I find most hard to deal with about death is that it is a stark and unwelcome reminder of not only our own but our family’s mortality. As cheesey as it sounds, it is a solemn slap in the face that makes us all realise we need to cherish everything and especially our families. The thing about the countess is that she made me realise this everytime I met or spoke to her. That was her. She was a mother figure to many more than just her own son and children. Her soul made us all laugh, be warm, feel happy, take a joke and in the end cry, but not all tears were of sadness. Most for me, were from a very paradoxical place which made me selfishly sad, sad for Michael but extremely happy and grateful that I was one of the lucky ones that got to meet her and live parts of my life with her that I wouldn’t change for the world.
Money can’t buy you classsssssss. Love ya countess ♥️
A Grievers Guide to the Galaxy 